You: "You look like you survived the tryouts for the soccer team."

Let's say he or she responds by saying he didn't make the team and is disappointed. You could follow up by responding:

"That must be tough playing under the coach's scrutiny like that. Were you nervous?"

"Do you agree with the coach's decision?"

"Will you try out again next year?"

"If you and I play a lot this year would that help you for next year?"

"Hmmm. Sounds as if you're disappointed but determined to work to improve. Is that right?"


None of these responses would have likely followed if you just asked the dead-ended question, "Was school O.K. today?" and you would have missed an opportunity to have a more in-depth exchange. Remember, a real conversation gets two people involved, not
just going through the motions.

Three issues to consider:

Timing: Teens don't want to be ignored or intruded upon so try giving them some time and distance when they come home from school. The idea is not to ignore school but try greeting them with a statement rather than a question. "You look like you survived the tryouts for the soccer team," not "How were tryouts for the soccer team?" Middle and high school is a lot about privacy so think of it as a verbal hug in the form of a statement.

Tone: Kids will often hear judgment when none is intended. A simple statement like, "You're awfully quiet today," can be taken as accusatory or empathic, and can cause your child to become unresponsive to avoid criticism. Try to make your statements specific and non-judgmental. "That must be tough playing under the coach's scrutiny like that."

Topic: Kids are more likely to respond to questions that focus on what matters to them. "If you and I play a lot this year would that help you for next year?" Take the time and make the effort to have your teen believe he or she has your full attention and is really being heard. You'll likely find that in return he or she is more willing to listen to you.

Practice the skill of listening with your teen and watch your relationship with them begin to transform!


Denis Waitley
 

This article was excerpted from Dr. Denis Waitley and Dr. Maryann Rosenthal's newest release, The Seeds of Greatness - The Value-based, Family Enrichment System for the 21st Century to learn more go to http://parenting.jimrohn.com or call 800-929-0434.
 

Denis Waitley has studied, counseled and trained leaders in virtually every field including Apollo astronauts, Olympic gold medalists, Super Bowl champions, returning POW's, heads of state and Fortune 500 top executives.

Denis is recognized as a world class speaker and author and has traveled the globe sharing success ideas and strategies to thousands of companies the past 25 years. To book Dr. Waitley to speak for your company or to be part of your upcoming Regional or National Convention send an email to speaker@deniswaitley.com or call 877-929-0439 and ask for Hilary.

3. Weekly Seeds of Greatness by Denis Waitley
(Excerpted from Denis Waitley's 365-Day Coaching Calendar, part of the New Release, The Seeds of Greatness - The Value-Based Family Enrichment Program for 21st Century Leaders!)

January 1: Buy your child a diary or a journal notebook. Leave it on his desk or table along with a new box of pencils and a note that says, "Dare to dream." Teach your teen that the past doesn't equal the future. Each day is another chance to make something positive happen in one's life. Today: Discuss "Something I really want to do in life."

February 8: Listening means keeping eye contact, sitting close, giving positive facial expressions, and keeping quiet while your child says what he needs to say. Today: Concentrate on listening to your kids with your full attention.

May 8: Tell your child that if she never made a mistake, it would mean she never did anything. Teach her that if she must doubt, to doubt her doubts and not her beliefs. Today: Help your kids work through their fears, with more knowledge.

July 27: Model self-talk. First, model positive self-talk, then have children use it. Give examples of negative self-talk and have the children change the negative statements into positive statements. Today: Be aware that optimism is learned by imitation and repetition.

September 14: Teach your children to ask others, "What do you think?" This will help build human-relationship skills. Today: Set the example by getting a variety of inputs before deciding.

November 6: Arrange "success experiences" for young children -- tasks with a high likelihood of success -- to give them opportunities to develop a bank of success. Today: Give your child a way to feel a sense of achievement.
 

To learn more about Dr. Denis Waitley and Dr. Maryann Rosenthal's newest release, The Seeds of Greatness - The Value-based, Family Enrichment System for the 21st Century and special pricing for the first 200 and free shipping go to http://parenting.jimrohn.com or call 800-929-0434.


4. The Winner's Edge Coaching Tips

Welcome to our Winner's Edge Coaching Tips. This new 10-week series of tips is going to make you smile, both on the inside and the out! So let's cover tip number two of Ten Action Steps to Optimism!

If you become depressed, visit any one of these four places: a children's hospital, a senior citizen's retirement home, the burn ward at a hospital, or an orphanage. If seeing people worse off than yourself depresses you more, take the positive approach. Take a walk by a playground or park where children are playing and laughing. Catch their spirit of wonder and adventure. Direct your thoughts toward helping others and renewing your faith. Visit your church or synagogue. Sometimes even a change of location can change your thoughts and your feelings.

This week see what you can do for others that will bring a smile to their face and yours -- renew your soul with something good that benefits another!

DW

5. Featured Product of the Week

What every leader needs to teach, what every child needs to learn! Dr. Denis Waitley and Dr. Maryann Rosenthal have created a masterpiece! It is without a doubt, one of the Most Comprehensive, Effective Parenting Programs Ever Created! The instruction manual that should have been delivered with each child.   What are we referring to? The Seeds of Greatness - The Value-Based Family Enrichment Program for 21st Century Leaders! Subjects Include: Your Parenting Style - Money Management for Kids - How to Master Creativity - How to say "No" - Your Children's Learning Styles - The Power of Faith - How Your Children View You - Strength Through Adversity - How to Discover Children's Potential - Seven Steps in Goal Setting - Four Cornerstones of Self-Esteem - Becoming a Win-Win Parent - Internal vs. External Values - Children as Win-Win Leaders - Discipline as the Success Key - Practice Makes Permanent - We Become What We Watch - Dealing with Risky Behavior - Building Healthy Habits - Problem Solving with Kids - How to Instill Self-Determination - Leading in a Blended Family - How to Delay Gratification - Parent/Child Communication - Honesty Begins at Home - Technology and Media Impacts - Effective Anger Management - How to Reduce Family Stress - Methods of Positive Motivation - How to Live the Golden Rule - and Much More!  This system is designed to reinforce the best practices of a nurturing leader that you already know and utilize. It will also give you many fresh ideas on making your home a place your kids will want to come back to, rather than get away from. This system also applies to organizations and teams, where the team members learn leadership skills from their own coaches and role models within a company or work group. Researched and Developed by Two of America's Most Talented and Trusted Authorities on High Performance Human Behavior and Achievement!   Dr. Maryann Rosenthal is a national authority on family dynamics and life achievement issues. A highly-regarded clinical psychologist, she is a much sought-after keynote speaker and seminar leader on how to instill self-discipline and self-leadership skills in adults, adolescents, and young children. Maryann is a champion for women, children and the elderly. She is a member of the Domestic Violence Council and a founding member of the Elder Abuse Prevention Project. Dr. Maryann is a member of the American Psychological Association and the Association of Christian Therapists. She is the mother of seven children and five grandchildren.   Dr. Denis Waitley is one of the most respected authors and keynote lecturers in the world. His audio program The Psychology of Winning is the all-time, best-selling program on personal success. He has studied and counseled leaders in every field from top executives to astronauts, from Olympic champions to youth groups. As the former chairman of psychology on the US Olympic Sports Medicine Council, Denis is responsible for performance enhancement of all Olympic athletes. He is the father of six children and eleven grandchildren.   "It is far better to give your children your time and nurturing in the form of Roots and Wings instead of trying  to buy their affection with Loot and Things. What do we mean by Roots and Wings? We must have roots in order to grow strong and weather the buffeting winds of unforeseen storms and the challenges of weeds and droughts. These are character traits fundamental to long-term success, regardless of future environmental conditions. By wings, we mean the motivation, goal orientation and optimism to soar and fly, becoming independent, high achieving adults who make a positive difference in life." Denis has been sharing with our staff for over a year about his passion and vision for reaching today's kids and their parents. He and Maryann went into the studio and began filming and recording Roots and Wings back in November of 2004. Then Denis and Maryann created a comprehensive workbook, coaching calendar and several bonus CDs (including Tips for Younger Kids, Tips for Teens and Tips for Blended Families). Well, it is now ready and just last week Denis and Maryann flew to Dallas to make their presentation to our staff. Every single person was blown away! We have since been able to start listening to the program and it has been 100% unanimous that this is a must for every parent, child, teacher, etc. Below is an email I received yesterday from Cheryl, who holds an upper management position with a large governmental agency (and is 100% committed to bringing positive self-responsibility every day to her team and job), and also works here part time because she loves personal development. Cheryl wrote: "I just listened to Denis' and Maryann's new Roots and Wings program. It is Phenomenal! The CD of music could be marketed on its own. I had Liz listen to some of it also and she thought it was great too. Just after what I have listened to, every parent out there needs to hear this message and every grandparent needs to be buying it for their kids to listen to. You know, I have listened to a lot of our products as well as others, and I think it's the best product I've heard! The message is great, it's specific, the music it has in it breaks it up and gives a great message in another media. It is awesome!" -- Cheryl Gillette-Shaw Here is a sample of what is on just the first CD alone (1 of 19) Knowing Yourself - Your Own Childhood Background, The British Study - Your Natural Gifts, Circle of Multiple Intelligences, Personality & Behavior Assessments - Your Two Most Important Traits as a Parent, Your Parenting Style - Responsiveness vs. Demandingness, The Four Parenting Styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved - Parenting Style Self-Test - How Your Kids See You (The Parent Report Card) - Knowing Your Children - Observation and Interaction - Help Them Discover and Develop Their Natural Talents - Your Children's Learning Style: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic - Assess Their Learning Styles - Empathy Reality Check Denis Waitley shares - "To understand other adults requires intelligence, openness and experience. To understand our children requires patience, empathy and effort. To know ourselves requires introspection, honesty and wisdom, and is one of the key roots in effective parenting. One of the most important elements of success is positive self-awareness. "   The Complete Seeds of Greatness Value-Based Family Enrichment System Includes: Ten CD Modules covering the 10 core Roots and Wings, with 67 subject tracks: CD 1 - Positive Self-Awareness, Knowing Yourself CD 2 - Positive Self-Esteem, Core Values CD 3 - Positive Self-Discipline, Healthy Habits CD 4 - Positive Self-Determination, Personal Responsibility CD 5 - Positive Self-Honesty, Non-Situational Integrity CD 6 - Positive Self-Motivation, Want to/Can do CD 7 - Positive Self-Expectancy, Resilient Optimism CD 8 - Positive Self-Image, Creative Discovery CD 9 - Positive Self-Direction, Focused Goals CD 10 - Positive Self-Dimension, Balanced Living Three Coaching Tips CDs with 15 subject tracks: CD 11 - Tips for Younger Kids (including Communication, Discipline, Technology, Money Management, Creative Goal Setting, Telling the Truth, Problem Resolution and Stress Management) CD 12 - Tips for Teens (including Communication, Risky Behavior, How to say NO, Managing Money, Goal Setting & Decision Making, Stress Management and Problem Resolution) CD 13 - Tips for Blended Families Plus: CD 14 - Journey to Relaxation, a special stress reduction audio CD program by Dr. Maryann Rosenthal. CD 15 - Music for Winners, an audio CD featuring the original inspirational lyrics of Dr. Denis Waitley in 16 different vocal presentations. PLUS the printed Achievement Lifeguide (265 pages with detailed exercises and lessons - it's remarkable!). Plus an easy-to-use 365-day perpetual, Coaching Calendar with daily tips on how to interact and communicate effectively with your kids whether they are entering grammar school, middle school or high school. This will help to internalize the principles and concepts in all family members. Plus, in addition to sequencing original music throughout the program, we also have 4 special, scientifically designed classical music CDs, from Advanced Brain Technologies, to help you and your kids study, concentrate, relax, and be more motivated and inspired to pursue healthy lifestyles. CD 16 - Music for Inspiration - Designed to kindle the imagination and uplift the soul, this classical CD helps you tap into inner wellsprings of creative expression and insight. CD 17 - Music to Relax - An instant remedy for tension and worry, creative arrangements of classical masterworks with gentle improvisations envelop you in a rich tapestry of soothing sound. CD 18 - Music for Concentration - A musical springboard to intellectual achievement, this CD uses streamlined baroque masterpieces to sharpen focus and enhance mental endurance. CD 19-  Music for Motivation - Inspiring peak performance, this classical CD instills the enthusiasm you need to get the job done and have fun doing it. What is the investment? Last week Denis and Maryann came to Dallas and made their presentation on this amazing program. At the conclusion, we were all asked what price we recommended to offer it to our customers (with the understanding that it must be a great price, as low as possible, despite the initial high investment that Denis and Maryann have put into the creation of the package). The lowest number that came back was $249; we also had $299 and $399. All were parents and all said they would pay that price in a heartbeat after seeing the immense value. But here were the challenges I knew we faced: 1) Our audience would not have the benefit of hearing and seeing Denis Waitley and Maryann Rosenthal personally walk them through, sharing their heartfelt thoughts and beliefs about this product and their purpose and belief of why and how valuable it is. 2) Our audience is not able to see first-hand the Introductory DVD, all 19 CDs or able to look through the in-depth 256-page workbook and 365 day calendar of Coaching Tips. 3) We were all aware of the enormous amount of money and TIME invested in this project by Denis and Maryann and that it was the result of over 25 plus years from each of their own expertise and experience. Could we translate that awareness to others? 4) Could we adequately describe how incredible and important this package is to our audience? 5) And lastly, if being sold from the back of the room after a 1-2 hour presentation, this would in fact easily sell for $399, but marketing online, without the touch and feel of a live presentation it is more difficult to relate the true perceived value of any product. Because of these challenges we made the decision to come out of the gate at a very special introductory offer of only $199. Plus for the first 200 to order, a special price of only $179 plus free shipping* in the US and only $25 International (does not include customs or duties charged by individual countries). At this special price, we know that this new, ground breaking program will quickly make it to market, testimonials will start coming in immediately, and the value of this package will quickly spread! If you would like to be one of the first 200 to take advantage of this special introductory offer go to http://parenting.jimrohn.com or call 800-929-0434. A Final Word from Denis and Maryann: We are excited to offer you our labor of love, The Seeds of Greatness: The Value-based, Family Enrichment System for the 21st Century. You are investing in the most precious natural resources on earth: the lives of your children and those who look to you for guidance. We plan to share with you time-tested principles, and timely tips on how to plant the seeds of greatness at home and raise winning children, regardless of their ages. This system is designed to reinforce the best practices of a nurturing leader that you already know and utilize. It will also give you many fresh ideas on making your home a place your kids will want to come back to, rather than get away from. This system also applies to organizations and teams, where the team members learn leadership skills from their own coaches and role models within a company or work group. You're about to experience the result of 25 years of education, training and field-testing. A value-based learning system and format that will give you maximum benefits and long-term results. This is not a quick-fix, Band-Aid program. It is based on scientific studies and practical applications. Rather than a fad program, it is a fact program you can try and trust with your own family. Parenting is perhaps the only full-time, lifelong profession for which there is no formal education. Parenthood comes naturally. Parenting, however, most often is experienced by trial and error, with many trials and an abundance of errors -- many handed down to us by our own parents. This comprehensive, value-based family enrichment program, The Seeds of Greatness, is dedicated to give you the self-management traits that every leader needs to teach, and every child needs to learn. It has been called, "The instruction manual that should have been delivered with each child." We cannot teach our children the seeds of greatness. We can only help them discover these seeds within themselves by adding positive marks and strokes on their slates. Being a parent is a 24/7 assignment. Every day, in every way, we want to help you plant the seeds of greatness in every family member. Our children are in our care, but are not our clones. Kahlil Gibran is our favorite on the subject: "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls. For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them be like you. For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday." We hope you will gain from and enjoy this journey into self-discovery with us for the most noble of all causes in human development: that of preparing your children to fulfill their highest aspirations in their own lives. The seeds of greatness are not dependent upon the gifted birth, the inherited bank account, the intellect, the skin-deep beauty, ethnicity, or status. The seeds of greatness are attitudes and beliefs that begin in children as baby talk, as do's and don'ts, as casual family chatter, bedtime stories, and observations - like flimsy cobwebs, at first - then with years of practice, become like unbreakable roots or cables to shackle or strengthen our characters throughout the rest of our adult lives. We are planting shade trees for future generations under which, we ourselves, can never sit. As you and your children experience this program, keep in mind that parenting is like gardening. You plant, and you wait. Some seeds take a long time to sprout and develop. Be patient, be persistent, be there in person, and be proud of the legacy you are creating for your family. Our only mission in this gift to you is to demonstrate that loot and things will never be as valuable to you and your children as roots and wings, and a fulfilled life as the harvest from planting the seeds of greatness. With faith and optimism, Denis Waitley, Ph.D. and Maryann Rosenthal, Ph.D. A Child's Bedtime Song by Denis Waitley If I had two wishes, I know what they would be I'd wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free; Roots of inner values, like rings within a tree, And wings of independence to seek my destiny. Roots to hold forever, to keep me safe and strong To let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong; To show me by example, and help me learn to choose To take those actions every day to win instead of lose. Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's all right To face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight; Don't make my life too easy, it's better if I try And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly. If I had two wishes, and two were all I had And they could just be granted by my mom and dad; I wouldn't wish for money or any store-bought things The greatest gifts I'd ask for are simply roots and wings. To take advantage of this special introductory offer go to http://parenting.jimrohn.com or call 800-929-0434. Plus for the first 200 to order a special price of only $179 plus free shipping* in the US and only $25 International (does not include customs or duties charged by individual countries).

6. Bonus Article!

How to Solve Problems for Elementary/Middle/High School Age by Dr. Maryann Rosenthal

Nothing helps children absorb the blows of life as much as a strong sense of inner self-worth. As parents, we are naturally eager to protect them from pain and problems. When they are very young, we can do this in very literal and tangible ways by protecting them from danger and creating a safe environment at home.

In addition to learning to expect good things, children must learn to respond effectively when bad things happen, because adversity will touch each of us in some way. A part of your role is to teach your child the ability to handle the hurts and failures of life with poise, and with a positive, constructive response.

* Let your children make mistakes without the fear of punishment or rejection. Show them that mistakes are learning devices that become stepping-stones to success. Help them correct their own mistakes, without trying to cover them up or fix the blame elsewhere.

* Role-play with your children situations that require making ethical decisions. For example: you want a newspaper from the paper vending machine, but you don't have the money to buy one. However, you notice the door to the paper machine is ajar. Do you go ahead and take the paper if no one is looking? Why or why not? You may find your children's answers to such questions very revealing, either proving a solid base of ethical development or need for improvement.

* Be more grateful and optimistic about life on a daily basis. Set a positive example in reacting to your own frustrations. If you blow off steam in front of your family, make sure you also demonstrate to them that you are working through the problem in a measured, calm and reasonable manner.

* Show children that a temporary failure does not affect your love for them. The greatest fear a child can have is that the parent's love is contingent on the child's success. Don't hold back affection, or threaten to do so, because of poor performance. If anything, that's when your child needs it the most. You might say: "I love you and think you're a terrific person."

Family Meetings/Rituals

A ritual that we recommend for all age groups is a family meeting, say once a month, to set or repeat the family rules and settle disputes. A family meeting is a great time to expound on the rules and manage conflict, whether it's how much time any one person can have in the bathroom to who's responsible for walking and feeding the dog.

A family council may sound like a quaint idea that went out with armchair doilies, but it can make your home function better. It's especially important for large and/or blended families.

Such a meeting helps families get organized. It showcases the value of cooperation and teamwork. It reminds us to subordinate our individual desires to the common good. Plus, the structure takes a lot of the steam out of disagreements; participants are less likely to yell at one another when in a group discussion.

In fact, you might even want to use the ritual of the family meeting to discuss the family's other rituals. Take an inventory among yourselves. Ask: "What do we do together, over and over, that has special meaning for us?" or "What do we do or say that makes our family different from others?" And "When did we start doing that?" or "Why is that ritual important to us?" Such an inventory might make it easier to begin some new rituals or improve old ones.

You don't want your meeting to be over-complicated by rules, but neither do you want it to become just a gripe fest, with nothing really getting done. So strive for a middle ground between bureaucracy and anarchy.

Here are some suggestions:

* Meet at a regular time.

* Make a list of topics or an agenda, perhaps posting it earlier on the refrigerator door so others can add to it.

* Take turns being the leader.

* Ask for comments from everyone.

* Focus on actions to be taken, not just complaints to be heard.
 

Dr. Maryann Rosenthal is a national authority on family dynamics and life achievement issues. A highly-regarded clinical psychologist, she is a much sought-after keynote speaker and seminar leader on how to instill self-discipline and self-leadership skills in adults, adolescents, and young children. Maryann is a champion for women, children and the elderly. She is a member of the Domestic Violence Council and a founding member of the Elder Abuse Prevention Project. Dr. Maryann is a member of the American Psychological Association and the Association of Christian Therapists. She is the mother of seven children and five grandchildren.

This article was excerpted from Dr. Denis Waitley and Dr. Maryann Rosenthal's newest release, The Seeds of Greatness - The Value-based, Family Enrichment System for the 21st Century to learn more go to http://parenting.jimrohn.com or call 800-929-0434.
 

7. More Information